Many Sticks

Today I tried to surmount a curse I’ve been living with for almost four years: I tried to donate blood. This was my third attempt at donating. Back during my senior year of high school I tried to donate twice and each time they ended up sticking the needles in each of my arms and neither arm “was wanting to bleed.” What was I supposed to think at that time? I was frustrated and told my parents that I didn’t want to do it again since all I got was two needle insertions and a lot of digging for a vein that they couldn’t find.

When I told my mom last night that I was going to donate today she asked why I’d changed my mind. The biggest reason was because I thought it’d work! I probably weighed around 205 or 210 when I tried to donate my senior year. Since then I’ve grown an inch and I’m also quite lighter. I can actually see blue lines of my veins in my arms now; I definitely couldn’t before. So, I had hope. Even though my veins have always been deep, they’re not as deep anymore since I’m not as deep physically!

The answer they tell me each time is to drink more water. If I drank more water, I’d never leave the bathroom! Yesterday I drank over 6 liters of water. My appointment this morning was for 10am and by that time, I’d already had 2 liters. I don’t think it’s a problem of dehydration. If it is, I’m not sure of a way to stop it.

So today’s attempt was also a failure. They tried the left arm first and then when that didn’t flow fast enough, they tried the right arm. Five minutes later, they said we’d be there for hours and it wasn’t worth it. So I left with two nice blue wrappings on my arms; they kind of even look sporty! Before I ever try to donate again I’m going to have some nurse friends find out the failsafe way for me to do so without as many sticks with needles!

What does it say that my veins are so deep or that they don’t like to bleed? Should I read into that and see it as metaphorical? The vessels that go to my heart really are guarded in a lot of ways. They’re starting to get tired of big needles probing around too. Hmmm, that may take further exploration, just without needles.