I’ve known that I can justify procrastination in many things. This website sadly became one of them this past month. I’ve been meaning to do entries and updates every four days or so. Look how bad I’ve kept to that!

I’m in the middle of my first week back to school from Spring Break. Instead of doing a typical spring break trip either to home or to exotic locations with friends, I decided to do something out of the ordinary. I did a 5-day silent retreat at a Jesuit retreat house up on Lake Dallas (www.montserratretreat.org). Unbelievable is the only way to describe it. I did a ton of reading, a ton of writing, and quite a bit of praying during it. The goal was to help me figure out how to go about selecting a seminary and looking more into my calling to ministry. With the help of a spiritual director who I talked to once a day, I briefly covered those topics but also went much deeper. I’m still going through my journals and reflecting on it. During the next couple of months, you’ll probably see some of the entries show up on this site. The retreat was possible because of a grant I received through a fellowship I have with The Fund for Theological Education (www.thefund.org). I’m anxious to write up my reflection for them as well. I have all of this writing to do; now I just have to it! Oh bother! (hear that as Eeyore speaking from the Winnie the Pooh movies).

So what can you expect from this site coming up? First, several more picture galleries and additions to the ones I have up there. I’m going to hopefully find time this weekend to organize what goes on the site from the tons of pictures I’ve taken in the past month. Second, weekly reflections. I definitely don’t want to fall behind with these. Third, foreshadows to events, opportunities and other fun obscure things that I’m planning on doing in the future (for instance, many down here are shocked that I’m going to Florence, Italy for the Fall 2005 semester … more to come on that later). Fourth, either literary or lyrical insights from the material I’m reading or hearing.

The first entry for the lyrical insight comes from one of my favorite songs I’ve listened to WAY too much in the past month: “Take Me As I Am” from the musical Jekyll & Hyde .

Henry:
Sometimes I see past the horizon,
sure of my way, where I am going
But where’s the prize I have my eyes on?
Where? There is just no knowing!

And when despair tears me in two,
Who can I turn to but you?
You know who I am … take me as I am

Emma:
Look in my eyes, who do you see there?
Someone you know, or just a stranger?
If you are wise, you will see me there!
Love is the only danger!

Love meaning me, love meaning you,
We’ll make that one dream come true!
You know who I am … take me as I am.

Henry and Emma:
Though fate won’t always do what we desire
Still we can set this world on fire!

Give me your hand, give me your heart
Swear to me we’ll never part
You know who I am … this is who I am … take me as I am …

I don’t have any flowery insight to add to those lyrics or how they relate to my life. They’re poetic and cliché, yet so gorgeous (especially when put to music). One of the great insights I gained through the retreat, however, was to ask the question: in real life, who/what’s Emma and who/what’s Henry? In what ways do we show this level of devotion?

Today I tried to surmount a curse I’ve been living with for almost four years: I tried to donate blood. This was my third attempt at donating. Back during my senior year of high school I tried to donate twice and each time they ended up sticking the needles in each of my arms and neither arm “was wanting to bleed.” What was I supposed to think at that time? I was frustrated and told my parents that I didn’t want to do it again since all I got was two needle insertions and a lot of digging for a vein that they couldn’t find.

When I told my mom last night that I was going to donate today she asked why I’d changed my mind. The biggest reason was because I thought it’d work! I probably weighed around 205 or 210 when I tried to donate my senior year. Since then I’ve grown an inch and I’m also quite lighter. I can actually see blue lines of my veins in my arms now; I definitely couldn’t before. So, I had hope. Even though my veins have always been deep, they’re not as deep anymore since I’m not as deep physically!

The answer they tell me each time is to drink more water. If I drank more water, I’d never leave the bathroom! Yesterday I drank over 6 liters of water. My appointment this morning was for 10am and by that time, I’d already had 2 liters. I don’t think it’s a problem of dehydration. If it is, I’m not sure of a way to stop it.

So today’s attempt was also a failure. They tried the left arm first and then when that didn’t flow fast enough, they tried the right arm. Five minutes later, they said we’d be there for hours and it wasn’t worth it. So I left with two nice blue wrappings on my arms; they kind of even look sporty! Before I ever try to donate again I’m going to have some nurse friends find out the failsafe way for me to do so without as many sticks with needles!

What does it say that my veins are so deep or that they don’t like to bleed? Should I read into that and see it as metaphorical? The vessels that go to my heart really are guarded in a lot of ways. They’re starting to get tired of big needles probing around too. Hmmm, that may take further exploration, just without needles.

Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve posted stuff on here. We’ll need to fix that.

Ever have one of those days where you don’t have to worry about the things due in the next week or the stresses of life? I decided to finally take one of those today. Sure, I worked some and I also did several e-mails and stopped to see several people; but, overall I took time to simply enjoy it!

This afternoon I took pleasure in shopping for some photography supplies for my class as well as getting some things from Central Market. Not only was it fun to do, but one of my friends named Leslie joined me! After we ran errands we came back and met up with another friend named Karie and the three of us joined the Interfaith Council and went to the Modern Art Museum (www.mamfw.org) in Ft. Worth. I’ve been to the Kimbell Art Gallery, but never the Modern! It was really fun to go since the Modern is doing a gallery called Dan Flavin: A Retrospective which catalogues the works of this great artist who worked with fluorescent lighting designs. It was incredibly cool!

Afterwards, we out to McDonalds; yes, I know … you may be asking what is says if TCU students go first to the Modern and then to McDonalds. In any case, it was close and good. I don’t think I’ve had McDonalds since June, so it was a fun treat.

Karie, Leslie, Wade and I then went to the Museum of Science where Karie (and soon hopefully Wade) works. Karie got us free tickets to a showing of The Living Sea at the Omni theatre. Omni shows are so fun; but this one was extra-special since it had a lot of underwater videography. It makes me want to take Scuba lessons and do some dives to photograph a bunch of stuff. These expensive hobbies may be my downfall at some point in life; nevertheless, they’re becoming passions that are fun to explore!