Heidi and Adam,
I cannot give you advice or guidance on marriage. I know it only from the outside. It is a grand idea to sit with family; parents and grandparents and listen with an open mind, and heart asking them to share their celebrations, adventures, challenges, surprises and the threads that hold folks together in life, for life.
What I do know, and what I wish to share with you today are words on commitment, communication and friendship!
We are gathered here to share in the traditional ritual of marriage. We know you love one another and you share that with the community in the exchanging of vows.
We know that you wish to make a life together, home and family. And we know that both of you are deeply connected, called to spiritual community, ministry and a life of sharing in the work of the faithful in the world.
These things, commitment, communication and friendship are the tools, which will make your life together, work, thrive, inspire and remain even in the worst of times, constant, forbearing and sustaining.
Be committed to one another. It is the long term that makes life together good and strong and lasting. Stay for the long haul along rough patches, bumps, turns and inclement conditions. Like a good mechanic with a grand old auto; tune-up, check-in and take a good run to keep your relationship in condition. Invest in the extras that make movement, transition, hard work, long hours, and inevitable crises survivable. Get away, go away, make a way to stay the long haul. Your life and times together depend on making the long haul a work in progress.
Communicate! This is one of those idle, cliché things we speak about in seminary during pastoral care courses. You know by now that communication is not easy.
Works sometimes replace words. Absence comes in the space of presence for the purpose of avoidance. Assumptions and expectations cloud up the integral places of sharing! Use clear loving language. Take a long time to talk and a longer time to listen. Create for yourselves and your long life together a ritual of place and time to speak out anger, confusion, sorrow, grief, love, hopes, cares and celebrations. Touch one another and expect to feel all possible emotions. Do not walk away from difficult circumstances or hurt feelings. Craft your communication like you would a gourmet multi-course meal. Begin your communication with small delectable moments. Move on to words and expressions that warm and nourish, like a hearty soup! Engage with one another in rich, saucy, meaty conversations. Laugh, cry, squeal, delight in one another’s presentation and the wonderful possibilities for crafting new ways to dish on the same old stuff. Garnish, spice and enjoy generous servings of tasteful communication. And always, always end with something sweet!
And best of all, make of your lifetime together an estate of connections with plants of deeply rooted friends! Your friends, like the best of wines become highly valued with age. Friends, with age, are your support system, family, history keepers, your best bet for honest, healthy and loving perspective in good times and bad. Making and keeping good friends is hard work. And those tools you are working on, commitment and communication, keep not only your relationship, but also your life estate in tact. Over the years and generations, friendship serves you, a particular, valuable, distinctive reward, like that of a great vintage wine, a taste to savor, a bouquet rich in texture and color of good times, good memories, good life! Depend on one another as you grow together. And make good, long lasting, long loving and faithful friendships to accompany you through the years ahead.
Commitment, communication, friendship will make of your relationship a long life lived in hope and care for one another and the world around you!
And now I have three blessings for you!
This, from my childhood and Robert Louis Stevenson;
Lord, behold our family now assembled.
We thank you for this place in which we dwell,
for the love that unites us,
for the peace accorded us this day,
for the hope with which we expect the morrow;
for the health, the work, the food and the bright skies
that makes our lives delightful;
and for our friends in all parts of the earth.
From Philippians;
Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true,
whatever is honorable, whatever is just,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence,
if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me,
Do; and the God of peace will be with you.
And these words from your psalm 90;
O Lord…be gracious to your servants.
Satisfy them by your loving-kindness on this morning;
so shall you rejoice and be glad all the days of your life.
AMEN.
with love and blessings, Claudia
