I’m a highly functional addict!

In Practicum last week we talked about a bizarre pastoral situation where one of our classmates had a congregation member make one of his addictions obvious to the entire congregation. I can’t go into specifics, but it brought up the discussion in class of “how should churches practice radical hospitality? Can it ever be completely open and accepting?” As a class, we didn’t come up with many universal statements; for most of us, this case study was a nightmare we were thankful to dodge in our field placements.

It brought the class to full discussion on what to do with people we know are alcoholics. Most of the time it’s not possible to tell when the people sitting in the back seats of the sanctuary are drunk – but sometimes it is. What’s the best pastoral move? Do you confront the person then? Do you let them know you know and then plan a different conversation to help care for them long-term? Do you ignore it as long as you know they’re not causing problems for other people? What, especially, do you do when they’re highly functional alcoholics?

That discussion made me think about how most people have addictions of many kinds. There’s a fine line on whether something is an addiction or just a habit. Will Ferrell’s morning ritual in Stranger than Fiction is a great example; addiction or habit depends on perspective. The Practicum discussion made me re-examine some of my own addictions. One of my newest is coffee. I can certainly go for days without it … but ever since this summer when I started drinking, mornings never seem as good without it.

This really isn’t anything new for me. I’ve been a caffeine addict much of my life. But now the drug has shifted from gallonous gulps of Diet Pepsi to quick sips of coffee. I’m not even that picky about my coffee. McDonald’s is just as good as Seattle’s Best for me. But at what point does my addiction become destructive? I can tell when my body has had too much caffeine; it’s usually with three cups of coffee within two hours. My hands twitch, my muscles ache (I think from dehydration), and I can no longer concentrate.

This Thursday I had one of my most productive days in memory. And I give all the credit to the coffee … so I guess I’m a highly functional addict! The whole day was full of productions. I made it out to Church of the Holy Nativity for a super two hours of work. I was so efficient. I was setting dates for the Eucharist course I’m teaching at three Episcopal churches. Aimée and I set our goals and timeline for the U2Charist service at CHN in May. I did some more work on our MDG curriculum for the CHN Adult Eduction series. It seemed like I couldn’t get any more efficient, even though I had to if I was to make it through the rest of the day.

That evening we had our Ministry Banquet at the Divinity School. Once I drove back to Hyde Park, I had to create a costume transforming me into David Tracy (and digitally film scenes and practice with my group). The mysterious trip to Joliet on Tuesday was for those costume materials. For our annual night of hilarity, each of the MDiv classes and our professors create skits parodying our life at the Divinity School. Last year my class caught a bunch of flack for making fun of students in our skit. Apparently we were too mean and self-absorbed for the class older than us. So this year, we decided to intensify the unofficial competition by doing a full-out musical instead of a just a normal skit.

Professor Margaret Mitchell (played by Vince Amlin) used her time-traveling Harper Collins Study Bible to take three students (Ben, Beau and Bethany) back in time to find the “Historical Jesus Christ Superstar”. It hadn’t been fully tested, so they ended up in a bizarro creation story where God (David Tracy, played by me) sang a version of “Razzle Dazzle” before the students and Mitchell transported again, only this time to the 16th century with Susan Schreiner (played by Lindsey Braun) singing a version of “One” trying to court Martin Luther (played by Alex Kindred).

After learning that Schreiner had discovered the time-traveling secret by torturing Rick Rosengarten, the students and Mitchell try to rush back to their own time. However, they end up at Wednesday Lunch at the Divinity School in 2003. In this alternate history, Kathryn Tanner (played by John Edgerton) explains to Kevin Boyd (played by himself) and the rest of the audience how to make a ham and cheese sandwich! Clark Gilpin (played by Matthew Robinson) proclaims that this is way too boring and so he breaks into a self-adulating rap with background music from the Nintendo Mario Brothers game.

The students and Mitchell find a KJV Bible under the table and try once again to return to their own time. They instead transport to a finale worthy of the Wizard of Oz. David Tracy (as a movie on a laptop) commands them to stay away. After they pull him out from behind the laptop, he admits he can’t let them go back in time to find his Historical Son. They still want to return home, however, and so he gives them the book they need — his recently finished autobiography on “God.” He then breaks into the tune adapted from Annie, “My book will come out Tomorrow.” Once the Pope (played by Adriene Zedick) joins him at the end of the song and the students and Mitchell transport back to their own time, the entire cast returns to sing “Oh the Div School!” based on the iconic “Oklahoma!” anthem. Through the entire musical, the second-years were led by piano player Erin Bouman.

The entire day and night were awesome!